I have had the MOST bizarre week! Ever since I got home from Volterra, I’ve been jumpy and paranoid. I swear there’s been a new scent on the wind, something familiar and strange all at the same time. Then to make matters worse, Felix calls me all “sorry babe, can’t come this weekend. Shit’s going down around here.” So I’m all well shit. I’ve already been bored and freaked out this week, and now I don’t even get to see Fe. So I’m trying to keep myself occupied, right? And I get SO bored that I even start working on the Enzo. I know, bored out of my f’ing mind. So I’m all underneath the car, blaring the Veronicas, singing along and out of freaking NO WHERE Fe shows up! And the most bizarre part of this? He acts like there was no big drama shit going down. I’m all “uh, say what?” Yeah, whatevs.
I’m so totally jazzed that he’s here now, though. And I finally made a decision that I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I finally decided to let Fe see my past. I pulled out my ao dai that I’ve been carrying around with me everywhere, and I put it on. Man, it felt so weird but so good at the same time to be back in it. It’s been a decade. I rarely wore it at home. I guess I thought it was more like a straightjacket, something made to restrain me and hold me back than something beautiful to remind me of why I loved my home. Just the scents on the fabric make me feel happy. That ao dai only has happy memories for me. Memories of my sisters, of my mother. It used to be hers. She would wear it when we were little. I can hear her voice, her singing us lullabies every time I hold it. Anyway, so I put it on, put my hair up like my mother used to, and I finally showed my baby where I came from. I figure, I belong to him now, so my past, present and future all belong to him as well. He might as well know what he’s getting. I think maybe when I go back to check on my family, maybe I’ll buy some more ao dais. Maybe I’ll start wearing them more often. Maybe. Maybe.